Thankful

I've never posted this on my blog but it might give you insight into why I put many posts on and then I'll go a few weeks without anything. I'm sure many of you aren't even interested in this story so you can just scroll down to the more interesting things on the blog.


Before my life changed in Feb 2008, I was relatively healthy, losing baby weight and working out 6 days a week. Enjoying my kids and had a very busy schedule. Maybe even a little OCD.


I remember when the sickness started. At first I thought I over did it in the gym. I had pain in my calves that felt similar to a shin splint. The following week the pain did not go away it spread to my thighs, and then the following week it moved up to my hips and back. I became very ill, so ill I couldn't function. It hurt to sit, I had to pace often, I had tingling up my spine, face, and arms which clearly read neurological all over it. Every time I sat (including driving) I would all of the sudden feel like I was going to throw up. Some of the other symptoms included trouble swallowing, sore lymphnodes, extremely high blood pressure (as in high enough to go into cardiac arrest), I felt like I couldn't feel my legs or toes even though I could still walk. I also began the life of twitching and spasms (which are two different things in my book). I was on pain medication and I didn't even know what was causing the pain.


After many specialists who would diagnose or tell me what they thought was going on because it wasn't showing up on any test I refused to take any more pain medication or any other medication for that matter until they figured things out. I felt like this was the end of the road for me and that I was going to die. I felt poisoned.


Months went by. The doctors changed their diagnoses several times and 5 months later my more painful symptoms finally started to slowly leave. I would wake up and not have the throwing up one day, then wake up a week later and my lymphnodes felt better, and so on. That went on for a few more months.


I am thankful God healed that part of my sickness. It did leave me with extreme muscle pain, fatigue, muscle spasms and twitches and some other problems. It's like whatever happened triggered some things in my body. One Doctor re-diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, another with Chronic Widespread Pain and after going to the Fibro clinic in Portland it's clear that even though I have many symptoms it's not Fibro. They do think it's something neurological.


I have also seen a naturpath and it seems like some of what is going on now is digestive related. I don't know if any of that caused my earlier symptoms or if its the other way around. Whether or not I'll ever feel "normal" again I have no idea. I am still trying to find an answer. Some days are better than others. But on my good days I would say that it's probably about a 5 or a 7 for a normal person. 20 minutes of exercise puts me into a downward spiral.

But God is good. He allowed me to live and be a mommy. I am so thankful even on my hard days that I'm a mom. It's much tougher now to be the mom I want to be than it was 2 years ago. I had the drive and energy just needed to lose the weight. Now I'm way out of shape, have little energy and sometimes don't feel good enough for these two little boys I have but I refuse to just totally give up. I keep busy throughout the day because if I slow down my muscles stop working right.

I am thankful for good insurance that pays for most of my treatments.

I am thankful for good friends that got us through those tough months, Robocop (my husband), and old and new friends who get us through the rough days now. And I'm thankful for two very energetic boys who remind me about what life is really about. And, to not take it all so seriously all the time. I'm still learning....